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Chapter 1
Lucid never felt so good. - December 15th

Steam wafted up from the pot as I stirred the pasta, dampness clinging to my skin. The heady smells of the meat sauce were making my mouth water, but I had only tried enough to make sure that it wasn’t a shit dinner. This was an important night after all.
I’d just been released from the hospital the day before, and after seeing me home, Harper left to give me time to decompress and reacquaint myself with my space. On my request.
If it had been up to her, she would have camped out on my couch to make sure I was really okay. But I needed to be alone. I needed to…
I didn’t know, I just needed space after not having any real privacy for two months. Not like living on my own. To assuage her, I promised she could come over tonight and I would make her dinner.
So much had changed since I was admitted, and I realized I had been on a downward spiral for a while. There were signs, even to myself. I just hadn’t wanted to see them, so afraid of becoming like Lauren. At least one good thing had come from my extended stay with the nice people of Avalon. I was no longer afraid of going crazy.
I just was crazy.
Laughing softly to myself, I poured the noodles into the colander and shut the burner off on the stove. Not too bad after not cooking for so long. The timer on the stove went off right as light knocking came at the front door.
And there was my best friend. Who I was incredibly thankful to have in my life, and honestly, I had untold amounts of guilt stuck like sludge in my veins for how everything went down. For multiple reasons.
“Hey, bitch, you doing good?” She grinned huge, and I couldn’t help but smile back. A real, honest-to-God smile. Even that had been hard most of the time this past fall.
“Yes. Good and steady. And happy to be home.”
“Good,” she said softly as she walked up to me and pulled me into a tight hug. We rocked back and forth a little as she whispered, “I’m glad to hear it.”
Suddenly, my lungs squeezed and my throat grew hot, making it a bit difficult to swallow. Dammit, I didn’t want to start off our first night back to normal all choked up. I stepped back and cleared my throat, looking at everything but her.
“All right, all right, enough of the emotional stuff. It wasn’t like you didn’t come see me as often as you could.”
Harper slid her hand into mine for a quick squeeze before letting go to grab the plates I’d set out on the counter. “Which wasn’t nearly as often as I wanted. And I hate that you’re seeing another therapist now. I feel like I’ve been replaced.” There was a teasing note to her voice as she left the kitchen.
Taking a deep breath, I put the noodles in one dish and sauce in another, then followed behind her. “You’ll never be replaced, Harp. But I—It’s just—”
“Girl, I’m going to stop you right there.” She turned to face me, and I was unsurprised there was a sheen of tears over her eyes too. Harper had always been an emotional one, crying at every shelter commercial. “You need someone that’s not close to you, that’s completely unbiased. That was my mistake, I see that now. I’m glad you found someone you like, and I will support you in whatever way I can. No matter what. And we’re still going to have long chats over girls’ nights. That won’t ever change.”